Faithfulness to the Unfaithful

Life has been interesting up until this point. There is something, however, that I seem to struggle with terribly. My faithfulness is comparable to none. To my family, to God, and to whomever I open my heart to. But, it's that last point that has turned me into an enigma... why am I so faithful to a man so unfaithful. It is almost as if it is a task to remain faithful- yet without hesitation he speaks of our forevers and futures and the children we will someday have. I have to wonder how many women are hearing these exact same words from him even now. For me, faithfulness to ones neighbor reflects faithfulness to God. Perhaps I am wrong. Mans relationship with God trickles down, or in theory is supposed to, to each and every aspect of their lives. It is in this effect, that the glory of God is displayed to our brothers and sisters who may or may not have given their lives over to Christ. I do not understand.

Perhaps it is my fault. Is it not one of the saddest things you can hear when a women blames herself for the misdeeds of a man. If I know, can I be such a fool? I cannot believe a word he utters, though every fiber of my being longs to. He knows just what to say because he knows me so well. That was my first mistake. I am guilty of being that hopeless romantic who cries at the perfect sunset and the perfect tone of voice..... It hurts because I know. I know her name... I know their names. I know what he says and how they respond. I know the whens, I know it all. You know, they say that ignorance is bliss. Perhaps if I had remained ignorant to all this, I would be happy. No, I would not. Then I would be unfaithful to myself, and what good would I be then.

I would walk had it not been for a secret that I bare. There is only one way I can be redeemed, and so I stay. But, how much longer can any one person, let alone myself, bear the brunt of disrespect. It is beginning to take a toll on my character, the one thing in this world that I have. I do not want my confidence to wax and wane as a result of my decision to stay. Truth be told, I am tired... tired of trying, tired of smiling, tired of turning the other cheek, tired... simply tired.