Then to now

I am praising God in the midst of it all. I remember wanting to believe it was all in meeh. I had never hurt so much. I could not carry myself and on the days when I had no explanation as to how I made it through, I refused to acknowledge Christ.

I had known pain and too much suffering and I did not want to believe God would put me through that. It is funny... I heard somewhere "you know its God when there is nothing else to turn to." I had nothing, nowhere to go and noone to turn to. God waited so patiently for meeh to open that door. He chose meeh and then I chose Him.

It is amazing how things "fit" when you acknowledge, and then put your trust in the truth. It was truly peace beyond my understanding. I still have days when it hurts so bad I don't want to get out of bed, but when the tribulation is over and the fire has waned- there is an unspeakable peace that comes over my life. I understand things I didn't. I may not see His face, but when I hurt so badly, I feel Him over meeh, keeping watch over meeh, keeping His promise to never leave meeh or forsake meeh. I feel him comforting meeh, counting and gathering each tear in a bottle. I hear Him reminding meeh that his ways are not my own. How could I, who can barely pick and outfit in the morning, pretend to know the ways of the Only True and Living God- who is seven days created this world and all that exists therein.

I dont know His plan, but I trust Him more than myself on any day. Now, in the midst of my circumstances, Father, I praise your name. Thy will be done.