Children and growing pains

hmmmm mm.... hmmmm mm.... hmmmm mm... hmmmm

I had my life planned out, and one of the most important aspects of that plan was my desire for children. I had decided that I was going to have three children by the time I reached age 25. I wrote this back on Mother's Day 06. Allow me to share:

ah yes... another Mother's Day has arrived, another childless year. my heart is as heavy as it could be but Happy Mother's Day to all. suppose its my fault. falling in love is a stinker-.smiles. especially when you are the only one. did not want to have anyones children but his- where is he though? naks... well my dream of before 25 is fading seeing as how 24 is coming in 6 monthsish. o well... the childish dreams of les grandes personnes. laugh it off walk away and pack it up with the rest of the memories. til next year.

We now approach Mother's Day 08. Allow me to share as I reflect.

I am someone else. I loved the plan I had for my life, but it was juvenile. It did not consider anything, really. Life happens. Love happens and unhappens... and what do you do. It has been 2 years since that excerpt and just reading it, I feel foolish and selfish. I want my three children. and I want them before I am 35, maybe earlier. But most of all, I want them when I am ready to have them. I have changed some ideals I suppose. I want them to have a father. No more single mom stuff. Talking to my best sita Nady, I understood some deeper things about myself. Things I worked hard to bury or forget. Things I never wanted to revisit. I think I will leave it at that. I now look ahead to 26 in 6 monthsish. I am childless and happy. I can stand on my own. I don't want my children to struggle. So to all the mothers out there... CONGRATS and to all my friends who want to know when ill squeeze one out... In time, is your answer.

All things in time. I have never before felt so good saying that.